So, I’ve returned to Denmark, which has brought some sad and confused feelings upon me. Of course the main reason is that I’m once again forced to be apart from my husband for the next six weeks, another reason is the fact that I’ve returned to a country that doesn’t feel like home. I’ve felt out of place here in Europe, since I was very young. At first I didn’t know where I wanted to be instead, but I had many ideas. Though when I was around 14 years old Japan started to become a big part of my life. Here I am, almost 8 years later and 8 visits to Japan later feeling that I’ve once again returned from the country that feels more like my rightful home.
I know there are many types of Japan lovers. I’m not fully sure which type I am, but I know I’ve not spent my nights in Japan only in hotels or hostels, I know I’ve talked to a lot more Japanese people, than just those working in the supermarket, convenience store, hotel lobby or restaurant and I know that I wont declare Japan to be a perfect country. (Unfortunately my university class is full of those exact types.) I believe that there is no such thing as a perfect country and to be honest, Japan often seems farther from being that than many other countries.
I have many things I dislike about Japan and there’s even things that, no matter have books I read I will still not fully understand it. There’s even things that the Japanese don’t understand nor like, but their only answer is “that’s how it’s always been, we can’t change it”. Even my husband and I have been through countless of fight due to our cultural differences.
There seems to be too many things the Japanese dislike themselves, but no one dares to speak up and due to the way there’re brought up most don’t even seem to have the hope of change. It’s like Japan needed a proper civil revolution, but they never got it and now the world has become too modern and civilized for it to happen.
Even before I met my husband I did not sleep in hotels during my trips in Japan. I stayed with various Japanese families (homestay), I met their friends, I saw and observed their daily life, visited schools, hospitals and parties. I listened to their dreams and problems about things they didn’t seem to be able to tell their Japanese friends. In the end I got to be part of my own Japanese family and have now inherited their happy stories as well as their dark ones.
But, even despite what may sound like overwhelming negativity, Japan is the country I feel home. I don’t just miss Japan when I’m not there – I feel homesick. Which is why I’ve started to think about what I really want. I could live in Japan without much stopping me. I don’t’ have to worry about visa (I’m qualified for a spouse visa), my husband is willing to support me in what I wish to do (also financially) guess my main worry is education. I’m not happy in my current university, but I get good grades and have already finished one year which I why I hate the thought of giving it up. I just wonder if there isn’t something I could do. Our exchange program next year is only around 4 months, too short. Guess I need to talk with a professional advisor in my university next week. Well… when it comes about my last unblogged time in Japan… I got too busy with things, but I did experience various things I wish to blog about soon. Like: Disneyland, road trips, family visits and etc.