Rants of a twin mom #1 – socially accepted mean comments

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As a mother you’re automatically under the watchful eyes of the society around you.

People will praise you, people will criticize you, people will agree with you and people will try to convince you that their way is the correct way – because… let’s face it becoming a parent doesn’t come with a license and when you have twins you’re just scrambling to get by.

As a twin mother you can expect to listen to less nice comments, personal questions, annoying statements and overall ignorance when it comes to twins and twin pregnancy. That’s why I decided to make a series on my blog called “Rants of a twin mom”

To be honest, I’ve never wished for twins and I never considered myself eligible for having them either, but when I did end up becoming pregnant with identical twins I was surprised about the “honesty” I met from people, both from friends, but also from people on the street. I kept wondering when it got socially accepted to pity a twin mother, which is the topic for my first rant: socially accepted mean comments.

Random stranger: Wow, you’re big, you must be due any minute.

Me: No, I’m actually only 7 months pregnant. I’m carrying twins, so I’m a bit bigger than average.

Random stranger: Twins?! Oh my! I’m glad it isn’t me.

How many twin mothers have gotten similar comments? I’m a member of several twin communities so I can answer: A LOT!

And I also know most twin mothers want to say this as well: “Yes, I’m happy they’re mine and not yours too”.

People would never ask a pregnant woman about the gender of her baby and say “oh, a boy? I’m glad it isn’t me”. That would be considered rude and distasteful, but when it comes to twins it’s suddenly accepted? Aren’t twins human beings as well?

I understand that for a lot of people, twins are a scary thought, but it’s like people forgot the fact that people doesn’t choose to become pregnant with twins. Some people are prepared for the possibility if they have undergone IVF or hormonal treatment, but for the average person, ending up pregnant with twins is out of our hands. Especially the chance of conceiving identical twins is 1 in 285, so people’s surprise is expected, but personally I think the negative comments are out of place.

We don’t need comments such as, “Oh, glad it’s not me”, “It’s going to be very hard”, *You’ll have your hands full”, “the first year will be awful” and etc.

We all know that having a baby is hard work, so most of us can imagine that two won’t be like a spa weekend, but making twin parents feel like we’re raising undesired children is out of place. Are the negative comments supposed to be funny and make us laugh? Let me tell you, most twin parents do not think it’s amusing.

It’s not like we can change our minds or try to give our babies to someone else. What are the negative comments even meant for?

Most people are surprised, chocked and often scared when they hear that they’re expecting twins, so people should actually be supportive and make it sound like twins are the best thing ever (because they are). When people give birth to a healthy baby, it’s a joyous occasion, which causes for celebration, it should be the same when two healthy babies are born – especially since twin pregnancies are more risky and stressful.

In the end, most twin parents get over the initial shock, we get over the sleepless nights and days filled with cries and we feel blessed. We got two babies instead of one, we get to experience something not everyone is able to experience and we believe that we have given our children the best gift, a friend for life.

So people’s pity is not just unwanted, it’s unneeded. We’re glad they’re ours and not yours.